Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
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