So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
