i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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