I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
