God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize