see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
