also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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