Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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