My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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