dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
