what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
