Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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