i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
