I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
