I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just cropdusted the office
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
