How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
