i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
