tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
