i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
