I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
