Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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