i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
