Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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