So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize