Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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