No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
