I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
