Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
