dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
