Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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