I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
