she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
