butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
