the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
