Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
