anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
