So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
try to milk me bitch
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
