hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
