I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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