The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
