i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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