Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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