He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
