I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
