i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Semen is not good for contacts.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
