i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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