Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
