If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize