Where did you get a picture of my penis
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
