Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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