She said her name was "party"
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
