i already hear my dad disowning me
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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