There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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