SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Randomize
