Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize