the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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