Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
So I just went to clothing optional bar
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
