I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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