I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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