Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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