no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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