why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
