please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
