I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
