If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
