she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
