yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
