before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
