i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
whose parrot is this?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
