my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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