If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You need a sexual gate keeper
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
