I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
